I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
