Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Someone signed my nipple.
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