did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
