the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
