they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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