Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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