It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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