i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize