You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
