Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
