when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize