Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
