she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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