I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize