When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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