Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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