I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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