Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
