Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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