From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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