He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
