She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
