I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
