The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
