What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
