I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
