we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
