why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
