I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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