I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
