i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
