I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
