Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
