I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
