Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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