just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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