When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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