So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
