i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
