Can Purell be used as lube?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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