If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
