it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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