Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
