and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I checked into jail on foursquare
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
