yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
