whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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