I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
