I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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