Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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