Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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