Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
