Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize