If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
