She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
