I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
