he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
