apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
