he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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