all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
