I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
