Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I party with great urgency now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
