I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
