Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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