Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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