It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Randomize
