Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
