I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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