I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
