i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
