is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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