a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish my penis had an off switch
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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