It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
