How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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