Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
