you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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