so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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