Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
