wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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