i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
