It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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