I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
