I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
