woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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