Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
