Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize