I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
