So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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