um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
how does that bad decision feel?
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